My ‘crash' day, which I wrote about yesterday, did not involve one external event, except for the death of my college English professor and faculty advisor who was in his 80s.

All the other panic buttons I pushed fall into 3 categories:

1- ‘the past equals the future' panic button (I'll have hot flashes and joint pain just like last time I took cancer prevention meds);

2- the ‘what if' panic button (what if a tornado kills my mother and me in her house or my husband in our house across town); or

3- ‘this is too much for me to face' panic button (my new scales that read me 5 pounds heavier than my old scales).  

In my own personal life on that ‘crash' day, NOTHING HAD CHANGED. But my mind went berserk and I rushed into a sugar overload (sherry, wine, and chocolate) AS IF that would change one bloody thing about how ‘my life had changed for the worst' which of course it hadn't at all. THIS is the kind of thinking and behaving I am changing- right here and now.

SPIRITUAL thought/action:"It's not life in the present that is intolerable; the pain we are avoiding has already happened. We are living in reverse." Geneen Roth, Women Food and God.

PHYSICAL thought/action: "One glass of wine contains 120 calories." Parade Magazine, Sunday May 9, 2010.  I always thought it had 90 calories! To track my exercise gift to myself, I am putting a green paper dot on the days I walk or do the elliptical for a mile. So far, 2 days have none, 1 day has 2 green dots. How many polka-dots can I give myself in a month?

MENTAL thought/action: "Inquiry is body based; it is not a mental process. You sense what it feels like to be inside your skin, your arms, your legs......Feelings are in the body, reactions are in the head; a reaction is the mental deduction of a feeling. And beliefs are reactions that we've had so many times we believe they are true." Women Food and God

EMOTIONAL thought/action:

"There are parched and barren fields in our lifes, there is autumn in our existence. But these are the grounds of our growth, the seed beds of our miracles. In these fields, we will someday blossom, and the innocence of the world will return with our own." Richard Caniell

See you tomorrow!   Lolly

P.S.  My new scales showed a 2 lb. drop this morning!